The Elusive Tolerance

The Elusive Fulfillment

2012-02-11T17:55:00.000+05:30

Don't be mistaken my friend, do not worry.
I have not strayed,
I have not become lost.
I just haven't reached my destination.
Forgive me for the delay,
I left the paved road some time ago,
And chose to take the path through the forest,
I could not resist.
The journey could not have been more meaningful.
For I now believe that in the woods lies The Elusive Fulfillment.

2012-02-07T00:53:00.000+05:30

Aaj suraj dhala nahi
Aaj woh doob gaya.
Lehron ke aaghosh mein
Aaj woh simatt gaya.
Kal subah hum milen ya na milen
Itna toh yakeen hai
Suraj nahi toh kyun hon khafa
Saath mere mera chaand hai.

2012-01-24T00:30:00.000+05:30

Kabhi toh socho ke dil mein aisa kya raaz tha.
ki kal ka mu'min,
kyun aaj kaafir bana.

Bridge

2011-10-22T16:44:00.003+05:30

Between what you were born as and what you will go forth to become, lies the longest bridge you will ever cross. One that you must cross for your existence is not of longing, but of learning. What you have become when the sun sets and the darkness begins will carry you through because you are marvelous, in every aspect of your being the miracle of every day life. Remember, you are the reason the bridge exists for it becomes a part of you with every step that you take.

In between what you are and what you will become, you are never lost. You just haven't reached the other side yet.

2011-10-22T16:21:00.004+05:30

I search, though in vain for the place where I will surrender. Where the existence of my self shall be visible to me through the colored glass of life. Such a place of hope and freedom, is not of pieces of string strung in enchanting hymns, of blinding lights or of waves that wash away the fears. It is of a moment which transcends love, joy, pain and life itself. It is in between the darkness and the light which I only feel like the blind man feels the sunlight. Moments of surrender born out of freedom and into life as I have come to see. I search for them till the endless chime of the clock, for I have tried in my ways to be free.

2011-10-13T23:58:00.002+05:30

The greatest tragedy of man is that the darkest memory of War and Death is unfortunately also the greatest memory of Victory and Conquest. In this paradox of Life and Death, we have never sensed true freedom, for it can never exist among the bullets, within the concrete walls and burdened under the gold coins.

If only I had enough money to buy the whole world.... I would set it free of it's own captivity.

2011-10-13T23:42:00.004+05:30

Somewhere, I have no faith left in the principles of conquest. The concept of victory I believe defies everything I have come to see as logical and true. True to the laws of existence. We have come a long way from the fields of the Motherland. When we stepped off the road of biological evolution and stepped into the tarmac of social evolution, we became remnants of everything that we were.

They say one realizes life in its aspects over the journey that one makes; from childhood to adolescence, through youth and the prime, to finally come to old age and death. All through this journey, we have come to think of life as a competition of survival, at the end of which the victorious shall stand at the highest podium. The more i learn of our history, the more i feel it is foolish.

Each of us are a solution to the complex equation of 'Life', captive to our own desires to be victorious... to be remembered through the pages of time as "The most successful species".

Peace

2011-08-10T00:56:00.003+05:30

Peace is difficult.

Difficult to find, difficult to maintain, difficult to understand... and even more difficult to comprehend. In the course of one life you will stumble upon many moments that will make you question the very concept of peace.

In the morning dew, I found God.
In the searing sun, I found Truth.
In the darkness of the night, I found Hope.
In sorrow, I found Man.
In between all this, I stumbled across Peace.

Crossroads

2011-07-30T21:14:00.005+05:30

Like travelers we have traveled. Who didn't know where they began, why did they pack their bags in the first place and to where they were headed. The thing about traveling is that once you have gone around the world, you always reach the start. The foolish ones say they never went anywhere. But you never come back same. Nor the place, nor the person. Never the same.

And so here we are again... the people who began the journey... the place where it all began... at crossroads.

Arrival

2011-07-30T20:52:00.003+05:30

Once a boy asked the sun "Did you know, from the time you were born, that you would burn? That you would burn out and die?"

The sun replied "In our essence, we are what we are. We will be what we will be. One day I will burn out and die, but I cannot blame the fire for that. It burns in me... into me... through me... And it has brought me where I am. What would i be without my flame?"

The roads that I have passed through.
The moments that have passed through me.
The rivers that have flown through
and the wind that has blown.
Have all brought me to this.

2011-07-30T20:39:00.002+05:30

The trees and the birds never really die. The howling wolves come back to the hunter moon. The wind doesn't die. Nor does the sunlight or the waves. We never die. Nor do our emotions.

Everything is either trapped in a cycle to come into the light again or buried till its time. The eventuality of every moment that is yet to come defines death and rebirth. In the time that we spend awake, we form a being that collects the sleeping moments of our inner self. Over the course of time, these moments arise and fall like the waves.

Relentless and infinite.

2011-07-30T01:19:00.006+05:30

The time has come to die.
To die and be reborn,
To wither and be sown.
In this endless cycle of loss and gain,
It is time to flow again.
The days were alive,
and we lived because we were alive.
We ebbed and flowed,
Were swept out to sea,
Only to come back again.
Crash on the shore.

But let us now cover the sun.
Let us pretend.
Let us say it is night.
Let us imagine the moon and the stars.
Now that the darkness is here,
Let us slip quietly into the streets
and disappear.
The time has come to die.
For that is what we believe.

Storm

2011-07-25T00:12:00.003+05:30

The worst of storms come without a warning. Ripping apart the sky of your being and tossing you around helpless. They come and they go, but leave you restless... to live with a fear of the horizon.

It is through these storms that man learns true meaning of strength. To hold on... to get up and walk... and to build again what is no more. To capture the thunder and hide it away for no one to see. So when the rain stops falling and the lightening disappears... the thunder resides in the heart.

2011-06-13T00:31:00.002+05:30

To think of man as the smallest piece of a puzzle and then to think of him as a puzzle in himself. Few will ever understand what the soul of man is and even fewer will understand what it desires.

To march forward with time as a friend and an enemy,
desire more from a drop of water than from the ocean,
hold a breath until it becomes a storm,
to believe in the seed as much as the tree.
Very few will ever understand the heart of man.

2011-06-13T00:12:00.003+05:30

To understand the origin of desire is to overcome it. After years of fulfillment, a man's heart always feels empty... devoid of every emotion that resembles or is reminiscence of something full. It is our fate and our greatest failure to not see that the purpose of desire is not of collection and conquest, but of knowledge.

In our deepest sleeps we conjure up our deepest desires from the depths of our mind and feel them as ripples across the thin skin of our eyes. 'Subconsciousness' we say! In these limited dreams from which we wake and have no memory of, the bellow of infinite trumpets will always be that of a funeral march and not one of victory.

The one in the coffin spoke of a dream.
The one in the dream, spoke of a desire.

2011-04-11T11:44:00.001+05:30

We came walking to these shores,
A very long time ago,
With nothing but dreams and hopes
Of a better life and love.
The confusion that was mine was also yours
And we planted it in the sand
The waves came and took it away
Only to wash it ashore
But the times have changed and so have the shores
We are not the same anymore
And so the journey begins... again.

2011-02-26T00:37:00.002+05:30

Blue skies seem like a distant memory
The storm has come and stayed like an unwanted guest
The wind sings through the windows
Howling.

The Self

2011-02-11T01:16:00.005+05:30

The Self is your greatest friend.
It is your greatest enemy.
The Self always understands, but when it doesn't it always give reason to go ahead.
The Self does not take blame, but gives guilt.
It takes pride and gives strength.
In moments of deceit and failure, the Self gives pity.
In moments of victory and conquest, the Self takes credit.
One can never be without the Self.
Even in moments of silence and loneliness, the Self always speaks.
In times of madness, the Self always expresses.

Very few times in our lives do we come face to face with our Self. More often then not, we close our eyes and march on with our heads down in shame... or heads held high but our eyes closed. Our greatest fears are not of what lurks around us, but of what lurks inside.

To stand beside our Self, is to be truly our self.

2011-02-05T03:04:00.004+05:30

What we are, in reality is very different from what we see ourselves to be. In moments of our greatest weakness, we come to understand the meaning of strength. In moments of our greatest confusion, the voice inside becomes very clear.

It's strange that at one moment we can stand apart and judge our own being for a crime, yet forget that in the darkest moment, we were the ones who provided reason and comfort for murder. In a passing moment of righteousness, we all forget the moment in time where the guard was down and the mind was fragile and crumbling.

All our misguided philosophies and our misplaced thoughts of freedom, cannot save us from what we truly are... Human. I am yet to meet a man who has stopped pretending to be God and accept himself. We shall forever fail in running away from ourselves, but we shall never stop running. Because the Self is ugly. And we believe that we are too beautiful for the truth.

But as hard as it is to BE human, it is yet harder to accept that the person in front of us IS human. In all flesh and bone. In all thought and action. In all mystery and simplicity. Just human.

Symphony

2011-01-28T22:48:00.003+05:30

This is just the overture darling
Wait till the music actually begins
When the notes dance and the air moves
When the choir really begins to sing
In the dead of the night
When the rich city sleeps with empty streets
Where there was blood once
Tonight... there will be music.

Crossroads

2011-01-26T09:44:00.003+05:30

The moon has set beyond the waves
And the sun begins to speak
As we wander through the once busy streets
We come to see the dreams
The night never repeats itself
Nor the wind that blows today
But the roads that lead to Gods town
Are deserted like any other day
To here we have arrived
And from here we shall depart
These roads, they never die
Leading us to crossroads.

Wise man

2011-01-22T20:01:00.003+05:30

Someone once told me that a wise man always sits beneath a tree in the midst of the thickest forest because that's where he can hear the voice of God and his creatures. Away from the cars and the machines, the laughs and the screams.

Then a man came along, dressed in a suit and shiny shoes, and said "Young man. Wise men reside in indestructible concrete buildings. Sit in a carpeted room with air conditioning with the world dancing on their fingers. From there they make the world hear what their mind speaks and put green papers in their pockets."

Then a woman came along. She had big eyes and long black hair. Her lips red with war paint. She smiled at me and said "There is no wise man. Never was and never will be." She looked away, put a flaming ember to her lips and inhaled.

I will be ninety in a day. I still haven't found the wise man. There have been many wiser than me, but each one fell away along the way. If i ever do find him, i just want to ask one simple question. "Will it be worth it?"

2010-11-01T14:25:00.003+05:30

I realize that like many other people in this godforsaken world, I too enjoy the chase more than the prize. Atleast with the chase there is progression and change. With victory... there is stillness.

It hard to subdue the feeling of discomfort when you begin to outgrow your conquest. When holding on become harder than the achievement itself. The constant question we keep asking ourselves "now what?"... like a blunt knife cutting through the skin...relentless.

Over the last couple of months, I've come to explore parts of myself which I had assumed to be secure, only to discover their immaturity. Learning is the progression of gain and loss.

As we Gain, we ask ourselves "what next?".
As we lose, we ask ourselves "What now?".

Over the course of the next few months, life will change as I know it. Not that it never did before, but this time it's going to be differnt. This time there will be struggle like never before... Victory like never before.

Thunderdance

2010-09-08T02:43:00.003+05:30

When the thunder came crashing in,
Oh when the thunder came crashing in
Crashing in... Oh crashing in,
Crushing and screeching
Scattering and shattering,
When the thunder came crashing
Crashing in...
Oh crashing in...
Tumbling and crumbling...
Moving and stumbling...
Shaking and rattling...
Slipping and crashing...

When the thunder came crashing...
Oh when the thunder came crashing in...
Crashing in...
Crashing in...
Oh crashing in...
In the silence I sat.

Where art thou?

2010-08-29T00:32:00.003+05:30

Hide and seek is all you played
When the gray clouds roamed my midnight sky
There was lightning all around
But you were no where in sight
Why the absence?
Why the games?
I heard your whisper from far away
As i felt you all around
The lightning pale without you
And the storm incomplete
Like a song without its words.

Cloud dust

2010-08-27T14:42:00.004+05:30

We are nothing but dust fallen from the skies
Where the rain dances and the thunder sings
In the vicinity of dark clouds
Where there is no love and no hate
Just the wind blowing aimlessly
As the lightning leads the procession
In the darkest of our nights
We sit and listen to them dancing above
To music we've heard since the beginning
Playing till forever

We are nothing but dust
Falling to the rhythm
Of an unsung song.

Songs of Thunder - I

2010-08-27T14:33:00.005+05:30

I don't know
What to make of these songs
That you sing in the dark
Loud noises and words
I don't understand
A language unheard of before
Or heard but never understood
Tell me at least
For who are these songs for
You sing and sing
Without any meaning

I don't know
What to make of your songs of thunder
But when you sing...
Everything listens.

Love Nights

2010-08-25T21:23:00.005+05:30

Some nights are long
Drowned in the darkness and the rain
Nothing but the sound of water hitting the tin roof
Or thunder singing to the clouds
Even though the world comes to a standstill
The water moves through the streets quietly
You gaze out the window with the lights turned off
Naked in the sheets with your lover
Silent...
Dreamy...
Exhausted...
Wishing the night never ends.

2010-08-09T13:09:00.002+05:30

Only if you could see yourself through my eyes would you see colors which you never thought existed. I wonder if the diamond knows how it sparkles in the sunlight.

Now that I look back, I realize how wrong I was to have judged you upon what I saw... or on what I did not see. But what could have I done... you only shone ever so dim... and said that the flame inside only burnt this bright. How was I to know that it would take the darkest black of the coldest night to turn flame into a fire.

I don't know whether to hate you for hiding or love you for revealing.

Alas, what can i do if the flower chooses to bloom when its dark.

Cloudy days

2010-07-18T19:54:00.003+05:30

Lying beneath what seems to be the sky
Watching our thought turn into clouds
Twenty some years gone
Nothing more to show than our words
What to make of these things we call our own
The people that came and have gone
Growing old and frail
Gathered a little wisdom for smiles
We have come so far from home
Drifting like the clouds on a rainy day
The rain will fall to the ground
Someday we will understand
Someday we will disappear
And maybe the sun will shine then.

Echoes

2010-07-18T19:46:00.004+05:30

Gone are the days when we were free
Tonight we are hopeless slaves to our desires and fears
When the world was sleeping away
We were singing in the darkness
Wishing it would all come to an end
One day, we would be free again

Don't be angry for loving
It's what makes us who we are
Even if its the end of the world
When the dreams come crashing down
We hold on to threads of hope
One day, we would float away

Don't forget what we have done
All of it stands before us today
The streets are empty but you can still hear
Sounds of hope and love echoing
The things we despise, but still believe
One day, we would believe again.

Wanderer

2010-06-17T15:57:00.002+05:30

I wandered across the seas
Oh I wandered across these seas
As the water opened up and
swallowed me beneath
Oh I still wandered across the seas
For all the things that I had seen

The sun dropped far below
In the waters as they glowed
I still wandered in the dark
Circled by the sharks
As the water went from still
To the raging storms within
I still wandered across the seas
For all the things that I had seen

In the moments of my end
I touched the waves with my hand
And felt the ocean below
where forever i shall flow
Into the current beneath the
Surface of this beast
After my last breath
Had bid me adieu
I wandered in this sea
As it became a part of me
I still wandered across this sea
For there was so much left to see.

Runway Girl

2010-04-26T14:42:00.005+05:30

You've got the blush baby
I've got the brush
Take off the dress and change the voice
Screw the heels
No one cares if you smell nice
Drop the face and leave the smile
No one cares if you're alive
When the money goes bang! bang! bang!

Walking down the middle of the highway
She is the new world girl
Looking like a Japanese doll
Too young to die
Too old to fade away
A 'one hit' wonder
She's got nothing more to give
Runway girl, baby's gotta live

I'm not gonna show you the way
I'm not gonna tell you what to do
You can kick the bucket or
Beat it all out and leave it
Take a match and burn it all down
Then dance around the fire till dawn
Runway girl, your 18 baby
What more could you want?

Runaway Boys

2010-04-26T14:17:00.005+05:30

Absolve me
Come on baby, drench me and cleanse me
I don't really care no more
If the fire burns or if it just glows
Something's gonna give

Got my bags packed
I'm all set to go
Come on baby, lets go hunting for gold
It don't really matter
Who's listening, who's not

I've got a fire in my belly
Can't you see the glow
Feel the sparks
Something's building up baby
This shit's ready to blow

I've gotta run
Gonna burn some air as I go
Can't hold us back now
Come on baby, drench me and cleanse me
Come one baby, absolve me
I've got so far to go...

Sands

2010-04-26T02:49:00.002+05:30

To lay your hand upon the chest that breathes its last
Like a drop of rain upon barren lands
Feel the world disappear to be forever gone
As something gives away beneath the sands

We come to the sea with the setting sun
Its here that the world comes to a stand still
As all the memories sleep peacefully in the dark
As the sand shifts beneath our feet with the waves

Place your hand in the waves and feel the touch
Of a being not held back by love
What have we become to this world that we cannot see
All the life in a single grain of sand

Freedom

2010-04-25T04:01:00.002+05:30

Oh freedom, what did you do?
Took my love and turned it blind
The best that i could do
Was run after you
Oh freedom, what have you done?
One moment it was here
The next it was gone
Gone somewhere but here
Oh freedom, what will you do?
For the one that is gone
With the wind
Leaving me alone.

Oh freedom, we are but pieces
Of a chessboard
What will a knight do without his king
A king without his queen?

Capture

2010-04-25T03:56:00.003+05:30

We ran... we ran hand in hand
In the pouring rain
As the drops came thundering down
We knew what we had found
A moment of peace
A fleeting instance of serenity
In a kiss
In a touch
In a breath of our own
In the eyes of a lover
With the feeling of freedom
We ran...

2010-04-16T10:40:00.002+05:30

My child, let sit and talk for a while
About the dreams that you have
Some that you've lived and the others that you killed
In the face of this dream called life

When it's time to sleep place your head upon my hand
And tell me of the dreams you want to have
As I watch the sandman come to you
I sit wonder and what it is to dream.

Edge of the world

2010-04-15T22:19:00.010+05:30

As I sat and wondered with no place to hide
You took my hand and said
"Let us run to the end"
How foolish of us to be there
Running with the wind
As we fell off over the edge of the world
Falling and tumbling down into space
Towards the sun...
... whistling.

You

2010-04-15T22:19:00.005+05:30

You are, everything I wanted
The stars, hanging in the sky
As the water came tumbling down
Over the mountain side
And I stood beneath the waves
Oh why...
I stood wishing you were here

You saw, all my pieces broken
In this darkness I could never
Put them back into place
Pieces scattered all over
I asked you the reasons
Oh why...
Some of the things I can never replace

All I've ever known
Could never shine
As brightly as you had shone
On the summer night
When you told me I was wrong
Oh why...
Could never return the moments gone.

Moonless night

2010-04-12T03:58:00.003+05:30

I was sleeping and dreaming of the moon
It was dark, but I was with you
You looked up and reached out to the sky
With you fingers stretched out
Held the glistening moon in your hand
Looked at me and said "Its just a rock"

All the beauty of the world
Came tumbling down with the stars
The moon came crashing down in our laps
We sat there and watched the sky go dark
"Its just a rock" you had said
"A rock... with lots of scars"

2010-04-07T16:54:00.006+05:30

Rivers deep with memories flow through the air
These waters are so dangerous for us
White light shimmers into my eyes
As time ebbs and flows
The decisions we come to make
Will never let us be the same again

We wonder why some things matter more than others
But these are just rain drops
Not some holy water
But to me, its all the same.

Pebbles

2010-04-07T16:36:00.003+05:30

You wonder why I am so consumed. Look at my face and you will see what's the cause of this disorder. By the shore line I walk on full moon nights making patterns in the sand which even I don't recognize. They resemble the memories I made with you. Some from you and some from my dreams. One day, I will tell you what they all meant.

Remember what we are when the tide is high. Little pebbles in the sand. One day... the waves will come and wash us all away.

2010-04-05T19:19:00.002+05:30

I realized I don't have labels for my posts. Maybe because most of the time I don't really know what I am writing about. Not everything is related... some things just are.

Leave my world like falling snow
White and cold
Each snow flake different from the rest
Give me some crayons
And watch my world grow

Run through the Jungle

2010-04-05T19:02:00.005+05:30

I was running through the jungle and i fell
Oh baby...i fell and fell and never got up
Lay there amongst the autumn leaves
Looked up and saw the birds of prey
I was running to something baby
I was running to get away
That's when i fell... fell and never got up.

Ran past the mountains and over the seas
Through the trees and over the hills
I ran from the glory baby, i ran from the thrills
I ran right through hell, fire on my heels
Even the fucking devil couldn't get a hold of me
Took a moment to Look up at heaven and baby that's when I fell
That's when i fell... fell and never got up.

They came looking for me but i wasn't going back
They thought they could take me
Told them to fuck off and never come back
I ran from the city baby, I ran from the cage
I ran right back from where i came
That's when i fell baby... that's when i fell
That's when i fell... fell and never got up

Silence of dreams

2010-04-05T15:28:00.003+05:30

Free like the thoughts inside my mind
We floated away beneath the stars
Watching the clouds above the sea
Wondering... wondering what they dream

Still as the air inside my heart
We stood tall beneath the stars
Watching the mountains amongst the clouds
Wondering... wondering what they dream

Shimmering like the light inside my eyes
We danced away in the dark
Watching the candles in the wind
Wondering... wondering what they dream

Oh I feel... I feel so free
This life, it will never get a hold of me
The song in my mind echoes
Shattering the silence of my dreams
Oh take me away... just take me away
I've got so much to see
So much to see...so much to dream.

Oceans

2010-03-11T00:03:00.004+05:30

I feel the ocean inside of your heart
It tears me apart
I would swim across if I could
But could never be a part of

There is a panic inside of my heart
And it tears me apart
Like the drop of rain I long to touch
The bare earth

Oh please just let me go
Break the dam and let me flow
Give me freedom and set me free
Like the river searching for the sea
I will flow to you

Circus

2010-02-17T19:31:00.003+05:30

Come on down and see the show
The monkey's in the cage and the ass on the floor
Its a circus my friend, can't you tell
Look around and see
Doesn't it all ring a bell

Take a dime or two and throw it in
Your money is all that matters here
Not how you got it or your sins
Take a seat and watch the flames rise
Watch them dance
Man and beast alike

When the show has ended tonight
Pick up your belongings and walk away
The beasts will return to their cage and fall asleep
The thrills that you stole are yours to keep
Leave the animals to be, leave it behind
And like the animal you are
Walk out into the circus called Life

CHange of address

2010-02-16T15:47:00.002+05:30

Life has a new apartment. The address is..

http://thestupidthingsinlife.wordpress.com/

...it doesn't mean you stop visiting here!

Different

2010-01-31T18:22:00.002+05:30

The basic desire to be different... to not fade into the crowd amongst the blacks and whites. When I look around... I see stereotypical roles... decisions by rule... one step in front of the other, each leading to a predefined action... each one behaving just like the rest. Like dead willow trees in autumn.

The very core of my being screams "Ignore it... deny it... break it. Be different even if you are proven to be wrong so that you may not look back at these years and regret not taking a chance. So that your feeble old legs don't regret running... your dry tongue doesn't regret kissing... your cold hands do not regret touching. Don't be afraid of pain or love... they are like the seasons...they will come and go and leave nothing but scars and memories. Your freedom does not come from chains... but from bonds and thoughts. Why be what the world 'wants' you to be when you could be what you 'want' yourself to be."

Its time and its eternal silence that ask me the same question again and again... "why... why be different? Why not just do what they all do... after all...you are one of them."

To be remembered and not forgotten
I will not be lost in the crowd
Not like a dead rose within the pages
It's not what I chose for myself
In this city of stone and dirt
The only thing that's real is my blood
And maybe you will someday see
Nothing was real...
Except You and Me.

Poet's love

2010-01-27T16:08:00.003+05:30

Beleaguered fools shall forever curse the rains, while the mystic poet sits beneath the Banyan tree and writes about the dark clouds above. No flute will ever play the tune to which his heart dances... and no songbird will ever be able to sing the song to which his soul moves. Its not the rains washing every inch of his flesh that cleanse him... its his breath that takes away all that hinders his being.

Oh poet of the moonless autumn night
Write to me words of love and wisdom
For once lost in woods so dark
I cannot see my home or the path
This falling rain reminds me of you
Sitting beneath a tree of gold
Playing the flute to the dancing wind
Watching the world slowly grow old

If night be the blanket beneath which I may sleep
Then remember me for the words I yearn to speak
A word for you and your beautiful soul
A word for the thundering of your heart

Oh mystic poet, be forever free
Like the stars in the night sky
Forever free...

2010-01-25T10:56:00.002+05:30

Sometimes I float amongst clouds
Sometimes I fall with the rain
On autumn nights, the wind takes me along
On winter dawns, I descend with the fog

It's not the world around me
But the place within my head
Changing with the seasons
I'm changing till the end

And now that the silence
Has come to me again
I carry on... I carry on..
Again...

Memories

2010-01-24T00:54:00.004+05:30

Blue skies forever shall remain blue
But the monsoon rains color my world gray
Oh how different it felt to be alive
Alive within the winter fog again
Time has passed since we felt the clouds
But the taste lingers on my tongue till today
Soft steps on the cold morning dew
Will never be the same again
Like children who grew up too fast
The laughter slowly faded away

And now that night has come to me
Let us say goodbye...
Now that the clouds have passed me by
Let us say goodbye...

Thoughts without Titles

2010-01-17T07:02:00.003+05:30

I would say to the world
"Let us be..."
For she has chosen me
With all that she sees in me
If ever there was a woman
Who knew how to love
It would be her
Past the fool and into the soul
Her love reached where no one goes

When my time is complete
When every word in me
Speaks of her and her love for me
I will turn to her
And love her for an eternity
If only the world would just
Let us be.

Still as Trees

2010-01-17T06:42:00.003+05:30

Oh my dear one, its not the end of the world
The water still flows, the sky is still above
The moon hangs low in the summer sky
With wolves singing, gathered around

We stand above and beyond
Watching as the world floats on by
Feeling the wind and the rain on these leafy fingertips
We know what it means to be alive
Still for eternity, but still alive

Hurt

2010-01-07T03:48:00.004+05:30

A song about realization...reflection... and preservation. A very honest song in all its meaning.

"Hurt" is a song written by Trent Reznor, first released on Nine Inch Nails' 1994 album The Downward Spiral. In 2002, "Hurt" was covered by Johnny Cash to critical acclaim. He covered it soon after his wife died... it was one of Cash's final hit releases before his own death. Its accompanying video, featuring images from Cash's life and directed by Mark Romanek, was named the best video of the year by the Grammy Awards and Country Music Awards.

"Hurt" covered by Johnny Cash

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

The seeds will travel, and so will the tree

2009-12-31T18:27:00.006+05:30

Of what to think of myriad times
But to sit and watch the years go by
We will speak in bliss of moments gone
Like stolen gems from a trickling pond
But what to say to an oak tree so old
Like time itself he is known
To lie beneath starts tonight
And let the world float on by

Lets be at peace in the winter night
For the world is cruel, but spare tonight
Its death at once and birth again
Of time and years and sullen days
For who knows where these path lead
For the ones who walk with barren feet
But we stand still beneath the virgin sky
And watch the years float on by

You and Me, we are like trees
Standing alone...silent and still
These roots hold us down and won't let us be
But it is in our souls to be free
In the hearts they are born
And in our patience they grow
My child, let them go... let them be...
The seeds will travel... and so will the tree.

In my dreams

2009-11-24T17:09:00.006+05:30

Fairies of a midsummer sky, don't hide amongst the stars
Come down for a little while...
Its time to fall asleep
Through the summer days I have walked
Only to find myself wandering through the winter fog
This yearning does not let me be as I search for the ones I love
Place me on the dew wet ground and sprinkle some fairy dust
I just want to fall asleep
Under a withering moon... let me sleep
Let the words float in my dreams
The promises they all broke... the ones I still keep
Sing to me of a land far away... one without hate or greed
And watch me drift away... into never ending sleep

As the night grows darker... I yearn to be...
Yearn to be... amongst my dreams...
The only place where I may find...
...My Everlasting Peace.

Songbirds

2009-11-04T12:41:00.003+05:30

We're songbirds baby, trapped inside a cage
Singing out to the lonely moon
Mother gave me wings, and I gave up the sky for you
Sit beside me and watch the seasons go
This is just the winter baby
We've got many more to go

The spring breeze blows through my sullen dreams
But in the mist I sing to you,
A song which only you and I know
Though the cold wind freezes my thoughts
I fight it away, I fight it all for you
We're just songbirds baby
That's all we can do

Through the seasons, like the sun we grow
And the stars will call out to us baby
That's when we shall know
Fly away and leave this cage behind
We've got our whole deaths to go
We're songbirds singing the same song baby
And the song is in our souls
... the song is in our souls

Birds

2009-11-03T17:29:00.011+05:30

Once in a while, even birds turn to stone
To leave the summer sun, flying back home
Where raindrops come tumbling down
And the skies turn to gray
That's where you find, the birds lost along the way
Broken wings and broken promises, can never be sold
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to gold

Rivers flow through, but always return to the sea
Like humming birds floating above
Riding on the back of an autumn breeze
The nest seems so far away, oh where have they come
A pair of fragile doves, searching for their home
Watch them shimmer, in the southern glow
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to gold

Clouds are ...and will always be
Even when you and I are gone, the sky will still be
On the wings of hope the world floats
That's the way it's always been
Remember the soul that is you and me
It will fly, even when we are long gone
We're birds of prey baby, slowly turning to stone.

Human

2009-11-03T05:39:00.004+05:30

"The question is not 'who' i am.... the question is 'what' am i?

You have searched far and wide... in vain.
I am what you wanted... I am what you yearned.
I am the desire... I am the goal.
I am the strength... I am the courage.
I am the resolve... I am the result.

I'm the task... I am the doer.
I'm the force... I am the observer.
I'm the woman... I am the child.
I'm the man... I am the boy.

I'm the right and the wrong.
I'm the moral and the immoral.
I'm the pessimist and the optimist.
I'm the imaginable and the unimaginable.

I reside within the heart and the brain.
I comprise the soul and the mind.
I flow in the stream and the blood
I burn in the wood and the sun

I am love. I am hate.
I am charity. I am greed.
I am denial. I am need.
I am unrest. I am peace.

I am your words. I am the language you speak.
I am your breath. I am the air you breathe.
I am your eyes. I am the light you see.
I am your skin. I am the touch you feel.

I am in the temple you build.
I am in the Quran you read... in the Bible you preach.
I am the desert... I am the mirage....
I am the summer heat and the winter snow...
I am in the Autumn wind and the spring flow...

Find me in the leaf... find me in the stone...
Find me in the time to come... see me in the moments gone...
Search for me on the outside and you shall find...
Search for me on the inside and you shall find...

I am the beast and its rage...
I am a songbird and its cage...
I am you and your mind...
I am man and his kind...

Do you not see... what I see...
I am You... You are Me."

2009-11-02T17:42:00.004+05:30

The one who used to speak of Love as though she had invented it...
I knew her well... and her poor confused heart... which skipped beats but always resisted...

and she always compared it to the seed buried deep beneath the earth...
and thought that is where she would spend all eternity.

2009-11-02T02:00:00.002+05:30

I remember the night... when we danced close to one another. And I asked you to stand on my feet... while you kissed me. You were mine then... completely mine. Not touching the Earth... not part of the Sky. Mine... and Mine alone.

The DJ didn't know he it... he was playing just what both of us wanted... Or maybe he did.

You

2009-11-02T01:48:00.002+05:30

You are a puzzle... that's what you are. Only knowing yourself where each piece fits. Giving clues... but never giving in.

You are a single drop of rain... that's what you are. Only knowing from where you have come. Giving life... but never giving in.

You are a single ray of light... that's what you are. Only knowing when you left the sun. Giving warmth... but never giving in.

You are unique... that's what you are.
I wish I was too.

Led Zeppelin's 'Ten Years Gone' in the air around me...
... and you are my reprise... that's what you are.

Lonely Sun

2009-11-02T01:26:00.003+05:30

Tears of the sun...
Floating through space...
To have little children around him play...
But no one to touch...
No one to love...
To give and give and never ask...
To burn for them and never say a word...

The brightest star in the sky...
Sitting in the darkness alone...
The warmth of the world...
And none for himself...

In death

2009-11-02T01:10:00.004+05:30

Hold on old man... hold on to the strands of time...
For your son is still far away...
Across the lands... across the seas...
His heart still beats...
Wait for him... for he his heart pulls him here...
Hold on old man... your son is on his way.

Hold on old man... the time has not come yet.
Maybe your heart can beat a bit more...
Maybe your eyes can blink a bit more...
Fragile legs still yearn to walk...
The dry and cracked lips still yearn to talk...

Hold on old man... your son is here...
Listen to his voice... feel his breath...
Touch his skin... and smile for him...
Covered in dirt... weak in his eyes...
He came for you... traveling across a thousand miles...
Etch his face in your dying soul...
He is what you leave behind...

When you feel that all has been done...
The wheels no longer need to be turned...
Then let it go...
Let the breath float away... rising through your chest...
Let go of the pain... let go of the hurt...
Don't hold back old man... the time has finally come.

He was always fond of tea.

2009-11-02T00:25:00.003+05:30

My grandparents meant a lot to me... both my grandfather and his elder sister... my grandaunt. My grandfather was a quiet gentle man. Crippled by an accident in the prime of his life... he appeared to be a man of sorrow... accepting silence and peace due to fate rather than choice. The best memories i have of him were when i used to run up to him as a child and stand on his feet... and he would walk around with me like that. My small gentle feet on his comforting large feet. He taught me the meaning of protecting someone... of little moments stolen... to be enjoyed in the company of the ones you love. Sneaking out of the house to eat jalebi ... he was fond of sweets... and tea. The sound of him singing in the morning,

But time spares no one. It killed me to see him crawling across the cold floor in winter... his legs stuck curled... unable to stretch. His bony frame being dragged by his still strong arms... pulling the load of his useless legs. I helped him to get on the bed again... he was a heavy man. Heavy in the bone... heavy in the heart... heavy in the soul. I used to hear him cry in the night over things which were never there. My grandma... his soul mate... at his side for most of his life. But even she could only handle a man so much... he was a baby in his 80's.

One loses his senses with age. I wonder if its the degradation of the brain... or the wear and tear of time on the mind. Delirious... that's what he would become every now and then. Walking to the edge of the roof every now and then... talking about death and suicide... only to return to his bed... saying how its too dark now and he would do it tomorrow. At times he wouldn't listen to anyone... anyone except my uncle and me... his son and his grandson. Through his madness, he would focus on me every now and then and ask me how my studies were going... how old was I... and that someday i would grow up to be a fine man.

I went home after getting a call from my mum that grandpa had fallen sick and was admitted in the hospital. Its a strange feeling... knowing about the approaching death. I was at his side during his last days... spending nights in the hospital... reading through books i never thought i would read. Every now and then the nurse would allow me to go in the ICU and have a look. He had become so fragile... curled up in the bed... covered with white sheets... probes and needles and sensors covering the length of his frame. His mind... comatose. I would see him... and with the coldness of death itself, wish that he would just die.

One night, the nurse came looking for me. I couldn't hear her over the sound of my ipod pumping rock into my ears. I ran into the ICU... fearing the worse... only to see grandpa sitting up in his bed... pulling away at the sensors... not being able to understand where he was. The nurse trying desperately to control his movements, but failing to hold down those huge arms. I didn't realize till then how strong he still was. As i put my mouth to his ears and said "daddyji, hospital me ho. Woh davayi lagayi hai... usko na nikalo"... he seemed to awaken from a trance. I imagined how his blurred mind would have focused on something familiar... and held on to it. He calmed down and looked at me...smiled and whispered "chai...chai". The nurse had tried feeding him milk but he would swallow a drop... he was always fond of tea.

I think if ever i could have repaid him for my childhood... for the happy moments... it was that moment. Sitting there... spoon feeding tea to a grown man on his death bed... I felt so calm. Not his four sons... not his two daughters... not his siblings... not his wife... but me... me with him. My heart sullen... yet happy that i got a chance to do this. I put his head back down slowly and kissed him on his cheek. He was a strong man... now i understood where my strength came from. As i walked out of the hall, i called my mum to tell her and the rest of the family, that he had improved. But here is what i have learned... before death... man sits up... as if taking the world in for the last time... savouring it... asking for the things he loves the most... and when he has had enough... he goes to eternal sleep.

I returned to college the next day, only to hear that afternoon itself. Grandpa had passed away. I was the last one who had seen him alive... talked to him... fed him... comforted him. He returned to his comatose after i had left him. Somewhere deep inside i felt at peace... somewhere i felt sad... somewhere i indifferent... somewhere i felt cold. Every now and then i sit alone with the rising sun and hum his words...

"uth jaag musafir bhor bhayee... ab rain kahan jo sovat hai... jo sovat hai so khovat hai... jo jaagat hai so paavat hai." (wake up traveler, its morning. Where is the time to sleep now. He who sleeps... loses. He who awakens... gains.)

2009-10-23T23:41:00.002+05:30

It is hard to overlook the difference between what could have been and what it actually is. It's even harder to ignore what will be for it differs from what you want it to be. As I sat there in the darkness of this moving train, I felt a little knot in my stomach... like I was falling... free falling. Even I knew why it was there, I still tried to drown it out with the sound of the train shifting tracks. It reminded me of thunder. The air rushing through the gap in the window was cold and bitter. It brought with it the coldness of the outside world hidden in the darkness of the night. I watched as people around me slept peacefully and dreamed of a world unlike mine... the feeling of being awake while they were all sleep... its was empowering. I took refuge in my little corner and focused on the feeling in my stomach... and smiled.

I knew that the one who gave it to me... had one too.

Thoughts

2009-10-23T23:31:00.002+05:30

A time comes in every mans life when fate decides to put his being to the test. Of all there is that we may call moral or immoral... truth or untruth... right and wrong... Nothing remains undivided.

Man is not a creature of reason, but an animal of desire. He is fueled by a flame burning not his own, but the being of the ones around him as well. A resolve blurred by instinct shall never suffice in attaining peace... for it is not to be attained, but to be felt.

Man will drift forever through the sands of lust, driven by the mirage of love. Only the one who understands what love truly means will see past the illusion... if love itself is not the illusion. The rest will continue on... reaching out... but never reaching.

After all the rituals of life have extinguished their fires, man shall then stand facing himself. When fate comes asking, the essence of man shall be reduced to his strength to hold on to the ones he desires and to release the ones he loves.

Infatuation

2009-09-01T00:03:00.002+05:30

If only my hands were strong enough to hold you down... that even death wouldn't be able to snatch you away.

Hold you so tightly till your breath escapes your chest... leaving you limp in my arms.

What is this that does not let me release you, but causes me to kill you?

..........Infatuation?

Storm Struck

2009-08-10T00:59:00.003+05:30

I love storms... its a strange fascination that i have for them. They remind me of a rebellion... a strong voice intruding your mind... asking you... no...no.... Daring you to come out. The lightening moving sporadically across the black canvas... tearing it apart as if to signify the tearing down of barriers. The thunder... oh the thunder.... it resonates with the heartbeat. It gets stronger.... louder.... turns into a roar as it nears. Like a rebellion outside your door... coming closer... closer... till it seems to be just behind that door ... ready to knock it down and drag you out to join the rebellion.

The first step is the most difficult one. Stepping out into the rain... the pouring... pelting... bullets of water... smashing against your skin. It hurts... but its sweet. As it drenches you... you seem to feel as if its making you a part of itself. Then the fear floats away... drowned in the water.

If there ever was a storm within my mind
I would sit in the darkness of the night
Let the thunder of my being
Become part of the peaceful sky

If there ever were tears in my eyes
I would sit beneath a sullen sky
Let the raindrops fall and float away
Taking the storm with them

I love storms... they bring tranquility.

The Blues and the Hues

2009-08-09T20:35:00.003+05:30

Leave it blue I told him...leave it blue. It looks better this way...just plain blue. No whites to draw the attention away...no shapes forming in the sky...no dragons... or lions or birds. Just...pure.... blue. He said "Would you like a little black?"....i looked at him with a puzzled face and replied "why would i want to turn my perfect happy sky into a shade of black? Its not crying ...its not sad...so why make it glum?"

He was a stubborn man... and he wouldn't listen. I wonder why he asked me in the first place... if he wasn't going to do what i said. So he took a brush and added black to my blue.... bright blues with sober hues. With the gray came the white. Lightening crawling across my perfect sky...ripping it apart...cracking it... tearing away with the sound of thunder... drowning the sound of my heart breaking. It was perfect... my sky... my perfect blue sky...why did he have to go and ruin it?

There i sat feeling the blues....and then rain fell from above. One drop at a time... one solitary drop amongst the thousands... yet standing out. With every flash of lightening the falling drops glittered like diamonds. There were diamonds falling from the sky...the gray sky. They washed away the little sorrow i had... and called me into the storm. Its a strange feeling... to walk out into the storm without caring to get wet... to dance in the rain like no one is watching... to sing like no one is listening... to make a poem... the most beautiful one that you will ever make... but knowing that it will be forgotten as the storm passes.

I looked into the sky as the rain slowed down...but the lightening continued. In between the break in the cloud i saw the stars.. little white dots in the sky... the Big Dipper next to Orion's belt. Stars in a storm of falling diamonds. Every time the lightening would die out i would see the stars... and they would disappear with every flash... only to reappear in the darkness. The lightening brought the ground to life... green lush fields... the trees... the red walls... the while houses.... appearing and disappearing with the lightening. Stars... no stars... green earth... blackness... white lightening...red walls....so many colors. All because of a little black.

When the storm passed away... i crept slowly into my bed... warm... dry and content. Never thought that so many colors would come from little black on a little blue. Never did i imagine a storm could be so beautiful. That's the thing about storms... they leave behind either complete chaos... or clean away all the dirt. The rain can either drench you to the bone... or wash away the tears. All this while he stood there silently... with a smile on his face... a smile of satisfaction... like he knew what he was doing when he added the black to the blue... mixed blues with the hues.

The sad part about rain is that we dream about it.... write about it... sing about it... paint about it... but don't spend enough time dancing in it.

Summer Skies

2009-08-09T03:21:00.002+05:30

I thought and i thought about things i had never thought about
Out came griffins and dragons and little fairies
A little color was missing, so i cried and i cried
What use is this painting if its just black and white
After the tears had dried, a poem came to life
It danced and sang, just like a dandelion at dawn
I plucked it out and called it my own
Only to have it wither away, leaving me alone
Even the fireflies drifted away, leaving behind the darkness
There is no color in the night, even with the moon
The same sky twinkling now, burns in the summer noon
A little color was all i wanted, not the sun
Only if i could take back, what i had returned

Kingdom of Silent Trees

2009-08-05T05:23:00.005+05:30

Like willow trees we stand tall while the wind blows all around. Let some leaves dance... let the moss grow quietly. Its quiet here within the fog as the dew drops fall from the twigs. The dawn breaks the dark blanket that seemed to cover the earth, lit by fireflies twinkling all around. The sound of crickets echos beneath the canopy reminding us that the world is awake... its only us who are asleep.

When morning comes...
It brings along a curse...
Man will come and cut us down...
We shall not resist...
We shall not revolt...
For we understand the Truth...
Through the wind...
We shall return...
...Silently...

Kaleidoscope

2009-07-26T02:57:00.003+05:30

This.... is not.... a figure of speech...
What... was once born... shall never be free...
In the flame that dances... the air burns...
Just like diamonds... burning into nothing...
Embers float into the night sky...
Leaving the ash...to grow old...
I waited a long... long... time...
But the dust... did not turn to gold...
And when i tried to walk away...
The sand would not let me be...
It followed me home... became my family...

If i could write a song...
It would be a hundred miles long...
But would you listen... and not walk away...
Remain where you belong?
The colors dance and change shape...
We become... what we want to make...
So see through me... as i look through you...
Disappear in the blink of an eye... and i will too...
Turn it over... inside out...
And we can start over... with what we lacked...
They're just stones ... and nothing more...
We can always comeback... comeback...

One

2009-07-25T02:39:00.002+05:30

Reverend....Reverend why do you pray?
Can your God not hear your heart beat...
Or is your God so far away?
Why does He/She need all this money...
Gold and silver, diamonds and rubies?

On your knees with folded hands
Is that what He/She intended when he created your feet
So that you may bend and never stand
And how could i forget the blood
Not your own...No...never your own
But of the innocent unknowns

Reverend...Reverend why do you pray?
Are you lost confused or just dazed?
Maybe one day you will see
That you are no different than me
There is no "your god" or "mine"
There is just Love...Of that which is divine

Differences will cease to exist...
When the deeds have all been seen and done...
Then you will see with the heart and not the eyes...
...that there was only One...
...Only One...

2009-07-25T00:30:00.005+05:30

Hang us until we breathe no more
Slit our wrists till we bleed no more
Oh crush this flesh and bury it six feet below
But the truth shall still remain...

Look into our eyes and lie your heart out
Twist and turn the laws as you wish
Oh turn us down and turn away
But the truth shall still remain...

Gag our mouths and suffocate us
Choke us now or drown us
Oh silence these voices till none remain
But the truth shall still remain...

Never before and never again
Will you find ones like us again
You will die and wither away
But the truth shall still remain...

We are not Martyrs...
We are not Poets...
We are not Soldiers...
We are Lovers...
We shall not burn out...
We shall not burn away...
Our Love is our Truth...
And the truth shall forever remain.

Evolution

2009-07-25T00:19:00.003+05:30

Moving from one second to the next
Forever forgetting the smile that we held
Have we become so cold and bitter
Never stopping to lend a hand

Where once were peace and love
Now reside hatred and war
Where once grew lemon trees
Now lays a stone throne ruled by hypocrites

All the noise and all the sound
Drowning out the songs and laughs
Lost within a forest of bricks
Under a blue sky still young

Blue sky...blue sky...
Forever watching...
Gray clouds...
Forever crying...

Random stuff at a random time

2009-07-23T04:01:00.002+05:30

Turmoil...turmoil...within the storm...
In the rain that pours, I still find your tears...
Never before were you so fragile...
And never again will you be so dear...
As my grandfather's clock ticks alone tonight...
The darkness becomes hard to bear...
But think again of days to come...
And the future begins to be more near...
Don't be so hasty, don't jump ahead...
For emotions are not what they appear...
Wipe the mask away forever...
And then Love will be so clear.

Raven Blues

2009-07-21T04:39:00.002+05:30

Oh raven of the summer sky, why do you wear a shiny black coat?
To mark the death of a forgotten soul or to wander through the night alone?
While the swallows sing and the little ones chirp
You live in anger against this wicked world
For once just let them know how you feel
Sing along with the songbird if the songs are too deep
For I long to know what is it that you lack
A wanderer or a messenger, all dressed in black.

Oh... So that was love!

2009-07-09T01:50:00.003+05:30

Is love to be felt or to be lived?

I have spent time in the darkness of my room...and in the darkness of the night sky pondering about things that i have no answers to... not that i need an answer to everything. Things that i have no explanation to. Things that i have no experience of. Sometimes i think of death... sometimes i think of life... at other times i wonder why we fight... and then i stop to think why we love?

What is love? I hate the dictionary explanation involving chemicals and brains... its not a beautiful enough explanation to a question that is so vague. A friend once said to me "I really wanna fall in love...but i don't think I'm even close. Love is so idealistic.".... to which i smiled and said "i don't think anyone in the history of mankind ever knew when they were 'close' to falling in love."

I think infatuation is idealistic. I think compromise i realistic... both of which people often mistake for love. I think love is the balance. These are not answers... these are just my opinions. Sometimes i think love is the state of overwhelming pleasure... and sometimes i think love is the state where you don't feel anything at all. The feeling of complete emptiness.... or the feeling of complete fullness. Does love encompass everything or is it devoid of everything? Is love the color that stands out...or the color that blends in?

Questions that only bring more questions... along with some rhetorical answers which appear to be attempts at avoidance rather than answers.

As i sit in the brightness of my room i ask the air around me....
Is love to be written about or left as thoughts in the mind?
Is love to be dissected and explained or to be left as the question that gives purpose?
Is love to be felt or to be lived?

... i am still waiting to find out... hopefully i won't look back one day and say "oh...so that was love."

2009-07-03T17:02:00.002+05:30

Tonight i fear only one fear...
The fear of being forgotten...
Lost within the pages like a dead rose petal...
Fading into the wind without a trace of the essence...

Tonight i think of leaving behind footsteps in stone...
But the rain reminds me...
Even stones erode...

I will be forgotten....so will you...
Just like the one we don't remember now...
No picture...no story...
No statues...no glory...
Forgotten....Forever...

Second Thoughts of Fear

2009-06-24T23:59:00.003+05:30

What would you do if the person you hold dearest to you slowly faded away right in your arms? Would you panic... scream... beg God? What part of you does Fear drag out to the surface and interrogate so ruthlessly? I think fear is a good thing... it keeps a man honest. It teaches one more about themselves than the sugar coated love ever could. Its very coarse and rough, this fear... stripped of all pseudo promises... no false alarms... no second opinions. That feeling of numbness... the shaking of the legs... the sweat on your skin... the racing heartbeat... the flashing of thoughts in your head... that's fear...Unadulterated Fear.

I have had my encounters with fear... most of which i have forgotten. I think its the brains way of keeping itself happy... but i remember one night. It seemed to be a simple... quiet night... until my mum screamed my name out at 1 in the morning. I ran from my room to my parents... and on the floor... lay my dad... unconscious. I picked him up and carried him to the bed... my mind searching for answers. The next thing i remember...i was running around on the street at 1 in the morning looking for an auto... and i found one...somehow. We put dad inside and told the auto to take us to the hospital as fast as possible. Now that i look back, i realize that we did not go to the hospital near by... but one that was quite far. Fear can stop you from thinking sometimes.

I held my dads' hand in my own...constantly rubbing it to keep it warm... get the blood flowing. I realized that he has high blood pressure... and maybe he missed his medicine... maybe that was it. As we neared the hospital i felt that everything would be alright in a few moments...and then it happened. His hands went cold. His heart beat slowed down. His breaths became long gasps as he seemed to struggle to breathe. And then his head fell limp. I remember that feeling... when his hand went cold...I was holding it. Its unlike any other feeling... not like touching ice. Feeling the heat drain away from a human hand is terrifying... its eerie.

I had never witnessed death before... and I feared that i was about to. My hands went weak as a chill engulfed my whole body. I panicked! I started yelling at the auto to hurry up... just get us to the hospital no matter how. I DIDN'T CARE! I just wanted my dad. Frantically rubbing his hand...i tried rubbing his chest... aiming for his heart. That damn heart... it better not stop. In my moment of fear... i closed my eyes and begged God to let him live. I have never wanted anything so much as i wanted him that night. I couldn't imagine a future without him... not now... not yet. But i did one more thing which i never understood. I threw away the chain of beads around my neck in that moving auto... and i remember telling myself... "they are only beads! Just beads...and nothing more!"

Not even until this day have i ever felt so weak as i did in that moment. I don't know how long that moment was but it felt like an eternity... before we finally pulled into the hospital. I screamed for help as soon as the auto stopped... and stood back and watched as the staff came out and carried my dad on a stretcher. Within moments, the doctors had surrounded him... asking me questions about his health and his habits. And then I remember him opening his eyes while being rolled away on the stretcher... he seemed alive. He smiled at me and said "its ok...im ok now...."...and that was it. With those words blood seemed to have rushed into my arms again.

I don't know which is greater... loss... or the fear of it. When you lose something, its gone. Sometimes so fast that you don't realize it... sometimes so slow that you don't even notice it disappearing. But fear is something different. Its an emotion. Sometimes it comes and goes... sometimes it lingers in the air... like a fragrance... like a noose. Sometimes it surrounds your very body... chilling it to the bone. Sometimes it just strikes straight at the heart. But that's the thing about fear... when it dissipates... it takes away all traces of its existence.

I stepped outside to breathe... felt the cold breeze on my head... i didn't realize i had sweat so much. On that summer night... while standing beneath the stars... I closed my eyes and whispered the quietest 'Thank you'.

First Thoughts of Fear

2009-06-24T15:58:00.007+05:30

They say love is the aphrodisiac of the masses...it can make you do things which you would never do. But i believe there is another emotion...a more deeper...more instinctive feeling that can throw one into more turmoil than love.....its Fear. The fear of loss...the fear of pain...the fear of loneliness...the fear of everything and anything. Fear is a feature of every creature....from a single celled animal...to the complex human...all understand the language of fear. Its rooted in the very core of every living being...like a reflex. Even a man who knows not how to love...knows how to fear.

I remember my greatest moments of fear....it was the fear of loss. I was 17...a teenage kid in his last year of school in Sri Lanka. Dengue was on the rampage in Colombo, with hospitals overflowing with patients. My mum had been going through phases of fever...showing signs of the dreaded disease...until one day when I came back from school late in the evening. I happened to look at her arm and notice red patches...scattered all over arm. Within 30 minutes, she was in a hospital bed with doctors surrounding her... observing... needling... testing... discussing... quarreling. They gave me the assurance that this was a simple case of dengue and she would be alright in a couple of days with the treatment they were giving her. I was satisfied.

5 days had passed and my mum was not improving. Everyday after school, i would go to the hospital and spend the evening by her side...go home in the night and take care of dad. I was confused...a little lost. Why was she not getting better? And then it happened. On the 6th day when i went to visit her in the ICU...she coughed...and spat blood! My brain ran from one corner of my life to another. Blood.... spit... tuberculosis... incurable... death..... Fear! Pitch ...Black... Fear!

In the faintest voice that i had ever heard she whispered "Son, forgive me if i have ever done you wrong!'. Oh...those are not the words a 17 year old should hear from his parent. I went weak...on the edge of crying. I charged out of the ICU and DEMANDED an explanation from the doctors as to why my mother was not getting better. A emotional child can be an amusing creature...it cannot comprehend life yet it wants its secrets...and it wants them then and there! She apparently had Dengue Haemorrhoid fever...the deadliest dengue form in which the insides of a person start to dissolve and bleed. Dad tried to reassure me that spitting blood is common...nothing new...reassurance which i felt he was giving to me as his last option.

The thing with dengue is...that its a viral disease. There isn't a cure for it...but instead just a recovery phase. One cannot detect the dengue virus in the blood but instead we detect the antibodies that the body produces against the virus. My mum was showing every physical signs of dengue...except the antibodies. All reports were Negative...the doctors were perplexed...I was scared. In that fear...i did the only thing that my brain churned up.

I came home that night...and lit a candle in the temple...and promised God that i would fast the next day...just make my mum better! I "promised"....i didn't beg or make a deal...but i offered something which was mine...my hunger. No money...no material offerings... nothing which i couldn't call my own. What else is a 17 year old supposed to do against an enemy which he has no understanding of. Faith...its a strange thing. It rises from the core of man when least expected. Fear and Faith have this amusing relationship...almost dancing the Waltz...sometimes close together...sometimes distance. Sometimes faith dwindles in the face of fear...at others fear fuels faith itself. As for me...i just lit a candle and sacrificed what i could.

On the 7th day...when i went to the hospital...there was a crowd around my mum. Doctors and nurses were gathered around the bed....i couldn't understand the looks on their faces. As i made my way to the bed...i saw my mum...she was unconscious. Fear struck again...and i was about to implode...but a hand on my shoulder took it all away. A doctor's calm voice said "She's just asleep. We detected the dengue antibodies in her blood today morning...and we've started with the treatment. Its nothing short of a miracle...but she's gonna be fine." But i knew what they all didn't. It wasn't JUST a miracle....it was MY miracle. Oh i still remember that moment...i felt as light as a feather....and hugged that doctor as though he had given me something that had already been taken away. I smiled for the first time in a week.

That day, i came home and broke my fast at midnight. I had understood the true meaning of fear....faith...and sacrifice. Its nothing like the filmy version where the person rings the bells and smashes his head on the temple gates... and blah blah blah. This is why i believe Fear is stronger than love, for it encompasses faith... sacrifice... love.... strength.... futility... madness...everything. Fear can be a catalyst....creating...or dismantling man himself. It reaches deep with its cold clutches and pulls out everything so mercilessly.

That's the thing about fear...its a punisher....its a teacher....its a reminder. Most of all....its unbiased.

Rise

2009-06-08T08:37:00.003+05:30

Sometimes I feel as if my whole life has been one futile attempt to wake up early...only interrupted by brief moments of sheer madness scattered through my history when I managed to rise from this coffin of slumber to greet the morning sun.

Ah the morning sun...its beautiful...its peaceful...its wise. Unlike the afternoon sun which is treacherous... relentless... and shows no mercy.

Its a strange thing...this summer dawn...its makes you believe that the day is going to be perfect.

2009-06-08T08:18:00.004+05:30

Eh Khuda...
Mujhe zara yeh to bata,
Manzil pe rakhun nazar,
Ya dekhun yeh rah.
Dil se dhoondo tujhe
Ya puchoon rooh se raasta
Badaata rahun yeh kadam
Mujhe khudayi ka vasta

Taaron ki roshni mein
Dhoonde tujhe yeh kadam,
Kahan chup gaya hai tu
Eh Khuda...
Mujhe zara yeh to bata.

A fairytale kiss

2009-05-31T17:43:00.004+05:30

For the mortal it began with a single touch...
While the rain came down from the heavens above...
He never believed that a kiss would bring...
The missing piece that he forever searched...

As the clouds began to dance away...
He held her face within his hands...
To the sound of thunder and the pouring rain...
Lips would touch and time would stand...

On that night beneath the stars...
She became beautiful and forever was...
He would never forget that kiss...
For he became complete like he never was...

A kiss to pierce the heart of stone...
A kiss to remember the moments gone...
A kiss for a future that is yet a dream...
A kiss for a dream that one day could be...
A kiss of angels pure and white...
A kiss that burns the soul to life...
A kiss he would forever miss...
A fairytale love...A fairytale kiss..

Irreligious

2009-05-27T03:00:00.003+05:30

I say this right now...I say this without fear or remorse...I say this without the slightest thought about the implications...and I say this without caring about what people think...

I don't believe in Religion.

No...i am not an atheist. My faith in God is infallible... immovable, but religion is nothing but a man's way of separating and controlling. God is for the strong...religion is for the weak. God was...is...and will be...for God is Eternal. Religion is man made. It was made...is made...and will continue to be made by man with his limited knowledge. What...did God not exist when the first cell divided to make two? Where was religion when man learned to make fire? Some may call me blasphemous...some may call me "spiritual"... while others will say that I have no idea what I am talking about...but i really don't care.

You are divided from the moment you are born...based on gender....just like caste... skin color... race... nationality... economic status. Wars...invasions... crusades... all because of the differences. Everywhere I look I see a way in which man is categorized and separated from everyone else... until he stands single. They call it as being unique... I term it as being alone... and in his loneliness he forgets his own brother. The recent incident in Vienna, Austria disgusted me. It made my thinking even clearer.

But I am not that close minded. I respect every person's beliefs. I visit a temple...a gurudwara...a mosque...a church...they're all the same for me. I see no difference in any of them as i pray... taking only one name regardless of where i am. I don't think man will ever find peace as long as he continues to divide himself into pieces.

Protect

2009-05-27T02:32:00.003+05:30

What does it mean to "Protect"? Is it the shell that covers the embryo chick...or the fierceness of a lioness for her cub? Maybe its the way we snatch our fingers away from the flame....or the way one takes the bullet for another. I never knew what this word meant until one summer evening...when I was only a child...maybe around 5 years old.

As I walked to the sweet shop to eat jalebi while holding my grandfather's finger...he unintentionally taught me the greatest lesson in life. On a narrow and busy two way street of a crowded Delhi road...we both walked slowly to our favorite hangout as the orange sun began to descend. I was walking on the side towards to the road and not the sidewalk...grandpa took hold of my hand and moved me towards the inside ...closer to the sidewalk... away from the road...and said "bacche andar ke taraf chalte hain"...and that was it. He looked straight ahead and continued to walk...even as I looked up at his fragile body and his graceful face...not paying attention to the traffic around me.

With those six simple words, he had implanted in me a thought...a feeling...a role....which would become a part of my identity. He unknowingly taught me how to protect. The older soul protecting the infant for it believes that the child has more life to see. The young life is more important than the old fragile body...which has lived through its years. What captured my mind at that moment was the look on his face...he was fearless. He didn't care if a vehicle came and hit him...all he cared for was that I would be protected...even if it meant putting his own life on the line.

I've come to do the same...keeping my younger siblings and sister on the inside while walking on the road. This feeling of being protective...of being a protector...a guardian...gives a man a unique strength which no other act can. This protection does not restrict...or hold...or constrain the one being protected...it actually frees them. A friend once told me when I did the same with her while walking down a road in the middle of the night...."Akash... you are very protective"...with a smile on her face. At that moment I remembered my grandpa...just like I am remembering him now.

Thank you Grandpa...I miss you.

Loving Moons

2009-05-20T03:54:00.003+05:30

As i walked past the open doors to the balcony on the second floor, a gust of cold pleasant wind hit me. I stopped...looked out into the night sky...dumped all the thoughts from my head...and walked out under the new moon sky. As i sat on the edge with my feet dangling over the railing...a feeling of blankness came over me. Not emptiness...but one of nothingness....no desires...no regrets...no memories...no love...no hate...nothing. Its a very strange feeling which can shatter a man if he isn't strong enough to handle the solitude.

...but as I looked up at the new moon...i couldn't believe what i was seeing. Up in the sky...there were two moons....nested in each other. A smaller moon...within the crest of the bigger moon. No...this was no miracle...but only the blurred vision of my eyes (i didn't have my glasses on). Never had i imagined that my incompetent sight would ever show me something this beautiful. The moons seemed to be in an embrace, almost as if the bigger one was protecting the smaller inner one.The two peaks surrounding it like the arms of a guardian...or a lover....embracing...protecting...supporting.

I watched the small imaginary moon lean on its partner and thought to myself... "maybe that's what it means to be in love"....and then walked away...

2009-05-18T20:43:00.002+05:30

These are not my words...though i wish they were! From Uzma Yousuf's Notes on Facebook...i just couldnt help but steal them!...she got them from somewhere aswell!

"Kal raat urr rahay thay
sitaray hawa key saath.

Aur mein udaas betha
apne Khuda key saath.

Ya tau qabooliat key tariqay
seekha mujhay.

Ya merey dil ko baandh dey
Apni Raza key saath:)

Amen."

....'Raza' means ' happiness'. i've read these words over and over and over...yet they get more sweeter each time.

2009-05-02T18:01:00.004+05:30

Why thou take a heart...only to break it and let it be...
What did a heart...ever do to thee?

If ever there was a creature who had been betrayed and destroyed by the soft hands of love...it would be the Sun...for nothing burns like it does.

Of Music, Love and God - II

2009-05-02T07:22:00.004+05:30

"Sanu ek pal chaen na aave..
Oh sanu ek pal chaen na aave...
Sajna tere bina...
Oh sajna tere bina..."

For the untrained ear...it may have felt as if they were walking into a Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan concert. It was not to be....for there sat seven men...surrounded by monitors and candles...wielding their instruments...dressed in their best...with an enchanting voice...reciting Qwwalis to the mesmerised crowd before them. Having grown up listening to Ustad Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan's qwwalis being echoed through my home in Pakistan...I had never listened to a live performance of qwwali before...i'm glad i didn't miss this chance.

I could manage to understand most of the lyrics that they sang... but the music and not the lyrics did most of the talking this time. The tabla...the harmonium...the dholak....and one man clapping to give rhythm while the three ustads led the vocals. The way they sang...the rise...the falls...the turns...the pauses. They sang in Urdu...in Hindi...in Punjabi. They sang of Love...of God...of Peace...as I came to understand the meaning of "Sufism". Krishna and Khuda were there in the same place...

"Ab tu hi hai, tu hi hai ke tu...
Ab tu hi hai, tu hi hai ke tu...
Ab tu hi hai, tu hi hai ke tu...
Aur rahega bhi tu."

Sitting there listening to a form of music which is solemnly heard...life seemed to become peaceful all of a sudden. My hands ached from the clapping...but the rhythm was too enchanting to get away from. They ended the two hour performance with a breathtaking recital of the famous song...

"Dama dam mast qalandar...
Ali dam dam de andar...
Dama dam mast qalandar...
Ali da pehla number..."

The Elusive Tranquillity

2009-04-28T07:53:00.004+05:30

Beauty in its own world is impossible to capture...too big to contain...too wild to control. But every now and then it gives us a glimpse of a world beyond the sights and sounds of our daily ruckus. I have had so many of these moments which will forever remain in my mind. If only I could take the picture in my head and turn it into a photograph to be hung on the wall...the wall would be beautiful.

It was 3 am on a cold December morning when i had got off the bus on the highway in Jalandhar, hoping to find an auto that would take me to my university. I stood there for almost an hour waiting for something to come by, but nothing except travelers speeding past in their fancy cars. Just when i had considered walking the 20kms as the best idea...a tractor lorry happened to pass by. Never before had i been so happy to see a tractor before. I stuck my hand out and God bless that man for he stopped and let me hop on. For those who have never been on a tractor...there isn't much space for passengers. I sat on the metal part covering the humongous tires underneath...clutching my bag...as the tractor crawled along slowly. It went up a flyover...and then down....up another...and down...moving ever so slowly. The sound of the monstrous engine and the rattling of the lorry behind it were the only things i could hear. My legs went numb and my ass froze...as my feet constantly knocked into the side of the rotating tire. My nose started to become wet as the cold morning air found its way through my clothes and into my skin. I could barely keep my eyes open against the chilling wind. So there i was...exhausted...cold...frozen...tired....hungry....and not to mention sleepy....and then it happened....

As we passed through a part of the road where the lights weren't working...I looked up... and it captured my eye. In the distance...beyond the trees and the grasslands...beyond the houses and the buildings...the Full Moon...low in the night sky...surrounded by the stars. Beneath it...a freight train moving quietly along on the tracks...the sound of which was drowned out by the roar of the tractor engine. But for those few moments...everything went quiet. As I watched the train move along under this magnificent moon...everything became...perfect.

There was silence. Not the one where you don't hear anything...but silence of the type where you don't feel anything. The moon looked so peaceful floating in the sky...yet so alone...yet so peaceful...like a mother watching over her sleeping child. The train looked so peaceful as it moved without making a sound...yet so restrained...yet so sad...since it could never move away from its tracks. The chill was gone...so was the sleep...the exhaustion...the numbness. Watching that lonely train beneath the lonely moon took away everything that I thought was ugly...and in return...it gave me Beauty. The beauty of being lonely...the beauty of being quiet...the beauty of being alive. It was as if the strands of time had come together to form this knot where the moon...the sky...the train...the trees...the tractor...and I....were all present...prefectly. But as perfect as that union seemed...it was gone. The individual identities parted ways to go on with their lives as the roar of the engine came rushing into my ears...followed by the chill of the wind and the numbness in my legs.

For those few moments, life had painted a picture so perfect, that i could not help but be at peace. For those few moments ...I had found The Elusive Tranquility.

The Guardian - Arrival

2009-04-20T03:10:00.007+05:30

Red lightening flashed in his vertical feline pupils as she sat atop the mountain peak...on the edge overlooking the forest beneath. This wasn't normal lightening...it emerged from the land and rose into the night sky. The heavens were under siege...what madness was this? Thunder tore through the night sky...shaking the bark of the trees as the rain beat down upon this pure land...things were changing. The night sky had never seemed so treacherous before. Storms had come and storms had gone...but this one was different...this one had a stench about it...a canine stench.

He sat there like a sphinx observing the foliage below...his eyes fazed out to a distant realm...searching for answers. The paintings on the caves had foreseen this storm...but it was worse than he had ever imagined....he was not prepared...he had to be prepared...he must be. The thunder began to get louder...as the flashes of lightening ripped apart dark clouds...the rain exploding out from them...only to reveal traces of the moon. The full...red...moon. And then there was silence....it was time.

The Guardian rose slowly...the drops of water dripping down from his whiskers. His head bow low...his body rose slowly...first his front paws...followed by his 14 ft arching spine...and then his hind legs. The mammoth 16 ft long muscular tail...like an anaconda...which could have coiled and strangled an elephant. He was a beast like no other. With shiny white fur that gleamed the purest of souls... he stood out in the night sky. The rain curling around his thick muscular body...dripping from his coat of pearl white fur...it seemed to cleanse him...as if a sword was being cleansed before a battle. With pearly white sharp daggers for teeth...he could crush a skull so easily.

His ears twitched and his head snapped up towards the sky...as a bolt of light crashed from the sky and struck the ground in the distance straight ahead of him. The ground shuddered and a gust of air circled away from the place where the light had landed. It had arrived.

His spine curled upwards...as he gathered his strength in the core of his heart. From the pits of his body came a roar so loud...so frightening...it drowned out the thunder. A warning. Suddenly, there was a flame in his eyes...his pupils flared the brightest electric blue...his body tensed...as his muscles tightened...the blue aura rising from his body...sparks bouncing from his whiskers...the hind paws digging deep into the stone...the front paws aligned...and with the swiftness of lightening... he was off. Throwing up a trail of small pebbles as his claws dug deep into the mountain stone...he leaped of the cliff....falling through the night sky.

With a thud...he landed on the soft moist ground beneath the canopy. Cats always land on their feet. A low growl...and he was tearing through the underbrush ...appearing to be a flicker of light...as light as a feather...as powerful as a beast. The tail providing balance as he took steep turns...and jumped over trees and rocks with the elegance only a cat could possess. The ground shook beneath his massive body as it landed after each stride.

He charged in the direction of the light...with his pupils a stunning blue....his fur a glistening white...as he sped towards his visitor. The time had arrived when the purpose of his being would be tested. Created to be purest of all souls...bestowed as The Guardian of this sacred land...the protector...his moment had finally come. For all must serve their purpose when their time comes...this was his.

Of Music, Love and God

2009-04-17T18:30:00.008+05:30

Jab gaaye raat me ambar se chandni
Toh raahi chalna tum bhi pashchim ki aur
Jahan nadiya me jagmagate hain dipak
Baansuri ke sang Kazi...Ishq me doobe Tagore
Kahin sitar ki tarang mein magan hai Mira
Kahin Brindavan ki chaaon me naache hai Kanahiya
Subah ki kirano ke sang koi pade Gurbani
Na woh hindu...na muslmaan...na sikh...na issai

Tablae ki dhunn mein khoye hue khwaab
Dhoond in plakon ke peeche soye hue raaz
Yeh surr nahi hain...hain yeh rooh ke khayal
Koi pukaare ishvar...toh koi pukare khuda
Koi dhoonde mandir...koi dhoonde dargah
Saadhu ka prabhu...Sufi ka Allah

Tu toh bas musafir hai yahan...
Hoton pe uske gun gungunata hi ja
Chalta hi ja...
Gaata hi ja...

Passive

2009-04-17T17:37:00.006+05:30

Oh mountain, why do you stand so still?
Oh mountain...why do you stand so still?

I revel..I reveal...I dwell...I deal
Turn the stones and teach them how to feel
Over a million steps they have walked
Mine is a journey...there's is a pilgrimage
Silence is not impossible to sustain
Peace is not impossible to maintain
But faith is tested again and again.
In love...In fear...In happiness...In pain

Oh mountain why do you stand so still?
While they climb...crawl...sleep and freeze.

I touch...I feel...I breathe...I heal
If ever there was a time to speak
Scream your heart...Scream your soul
Be heard in this hour of need
15,000 died in the blink of an eye
Brothers, Sons, Fathers, Men
Some heads hung in shame, some laughing
As you stood there quietly... watching

Oh mountain why do you stand so still?
While they climb...tumble...fall and bleed.

2009-04-14T05:21:00.002+05:30

There are those who stare East with eyes widened...waiting for the Sun to rise so that they may come to life. They see the light falling on every object, animate and inanimate, as it changes in the light of the burning sun. They see the light, with their own two eyes.

Then there are those, who close their eyes and then 'feel' the sun rise beneath the eyelids. They observe the world with every sense, as their covered vision changes color from black to golden-red. Even they know that the sun is high...but they haven't even opened their eyes yet.

L.O.C.

2009-04-12T19:43:00.003+05:30

In the darkness of the moonless sky, he moved quietly...slowly...alert. With his back arched like a little black feline, he seemed to blend into the darkness. Silent, like a predator on his hunt...he approached the fence that separated him from his goal. Through the mask he wore, his eyes scanned the length of the barbed wire fence, searching for any signs of his enemy. Slowly, he removed the clippers from his waist belt, cautious not to disturb the rings of the grenades. He reached forward, with steady hands he placed the wire between the clippers and...SNAP!

"OUCH!! What the hell was that?" came a little screech! Astonished and frightened he fell backwards and reached for his gun...the adrenaline flooding his veins...he searched left to right for his enemy. "Why did you do that? Do you have any idea how much that hurts? It's gonna take weeks for me to heal." The "me" in the words surprised him. Finding no one around...he slowly whispered "Who are you? Show yourself!" The voice replied, "You just cut me and now you're asking who I am? Are you blind?" The voice was full of mischief. His eyes widened in disbelief as he commanded, "Who are you? Come out now!!"

With the compassion of a mother and the peacefulness of a saint, the voice replied:
"Sit my child and I will tell you a tale.
Of brothers by blood, who laughed and played."

A chill went down his spine...the voice seemed to touch him somewhere...somewhere deep. Entranced by the tranquillity that had flooded his senses...he sat crossed legged on the cold, wet grass...listening patiently.

"One was strong and the other was wild
Both were young and full of life
But a child's' mind is a funny thing
You can never know the thoughts it thinks
Over some dirt began a quarrel
Soon blood was shed and so were morals
When rage had enough of its pitiful share of fun
A crack in the mirror had slowly begun
So on a map they drew a line
That side is yours...This side is mine."

He could now feel his heart melting...as the words began to sink into his mind. His breath was calm...cool...slow. The voice was pleasant...soothing old forgotten wounds...taming the animal in his mind. He asked in the mellow tone of a child, "Who...who are you?"

"I am this fence, before you now
I am the mother, the children created somehow
Like a guardian I stand for nights and days
Through rain or snow...dust or haze
Keeping apart, two brother from moral wounds
I am the L.O.C. which stands before you.
Cute me not...for only you will bleed
I am blind...but the chaos I see
Return my child to the home you've left behind
And let me stand here...till the end of time."

The voice died away, as if returning to its peaceful slumber. He sat there on the grass...his eyes closed...his head slumped...his mind in a far off place. For the first time in many years, he sat there...in peace...under a moonless sky.

Childhood Streets

2009-04-12T15:07:00.003+05:30

Butterfly wings and paper rocks
Things that remind me of my infant past
When the world was colored blue and red
Through the streets the ice cream man had led
Chasing kites and blinking fireflies
Bleeding knees and innocent fights
A time when sand castles were homes
A garden lined with little gnomes

A chuckled laugh and a teasing smile
Takes me back through a million miles
Those streets have changed, and so have I
New faces have come as the old ones died
But I still remember the burning summer sun
When summer came and winter returned
Through the seasons the streets remained
Giving me the childhood I dream today

A child today....a child tomorrow
A child when I am drowned in sorrow
A child to be when the laughter starts
A child of today...a child of the past.